Tuesday 17 November 2015 by Trinder

So-called Islamic State to be referred to in media as ‘bag of dicks’


ISIS name change

After eighteen months of confusion as to exactly how to refer to IS, both television and print media have settled on ‘bag of dicks’ as the favoured nomenclature.

‘IS, Islamic State, ISIS, Da’esh, it’s been confusing,’ said Simon Williams, head of the terrorist cock-headery division at the BBC.

“So, along with the print media, we formed a committee to settle on a single name for everyone to use.”

“Obviously, their preferred name of ‘Islamic State,’ couldn’t be used as it gives them credence as something other than a bunch of tiny-penised buffoons.”

It was quickly decided that a new name was required.

“There were a huge number of suggestions,” continued Mr Williams

“‘The keystone cocks,’ ‘Silly scarf men,’ ‘the shouty little boys,’ ‘the artists formerly known as IS,’ I rather liked that, but apparently Prince wasn’t happy.”

“Everyone was pretty happy with ‘Massive Cunts’ even the People’s Friend and the local parish newsletter, but Men Only and Razzle thought it might be confusing.”

In the end the committee settled on ‘bag of dicks’, as a good standard phrasing.

“It just fits – ‘a bag of dicks burnt himself after trying to set fire to explosives in his shoe,’ ‘a bag of dicks locked his keys in his car bomb’.”

“And of course, ‘the bag of dicks disappeared into obscurity after realising that literally no one on the planet thought of them as anything other than a complete bag of dicks.”

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