Friday 13 November 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Lib Dems look to appeal to sex pests with top appointment for Lord Rennard


Liberal Democrats appoint Lord Rennard

The Liberal Democrats have elected popular sex pest Chris Rennard to their ruling body in an attempt to really shore up the creepy, pervy weirdo vote.

“Well, the other parties have their core votes,” said an anonymous Liberal Democrat earlier.

“The Tories appeal to rich people and stupid people. Labour appeal to beard fetishists. What we realised that there was no one party directly reaching out to sex pests.”

“We’re hoping that Chris will really help us appeal to the sort of chap in the office who leans a little too close over you when you show him your spreadsheet, who’ll put his hand on your knee to be ‘friendly,’ who calls you in the middle of the night and just breathe heavily into the phone.”

There is concern that perhaps women, who traditionally warm to the Lib Dems, may be put off by the appointment of a man who stood accused of sexual harassment by four women and whose only nod towards culpability was to apologise if ‘women felt uncomfortable,’ as if they were behaving oddly by not welcoming the occasional pawing.

“Oh no, I think everyone realises that was a silly bit of business where a couple of females, bless them, got a bit het up over some innocent friendliness,” continued the insider.

“I’m sure their husbands will explain what’s what and put any silly ideas out of their heads.”

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