Thursday 12 November 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Sales of Jeremy Corbyn calendar ‘Disappointing’, confirm retailers


Jeremy Corbyn calendar

Sales of Jeremy Corbyn’s 2016 calendar have been sluggish, according to retailers this morning.

The Labour leader posed in a wide variety of improbable environments for the calendar, which has so far sold 14 copies in 2 months.

“I’m not sure why they aren’t shifting,” said Head of Calendars, Simon Williams, “even the Vladimir Putin calendar has sold more.”

“Maybe people just aren’t into the photos, but I rather like them.”

“January’s photo features Jeremy chained bollock-naked to nuclear reactor on a cold day, while February has a valentine’s theme with him uncomfortably offering a white rose to the camera.”

“I’m most proud of October, where Jeremy embraces the Halloween spirit by dressing up as your children’s future under the continued grip of corporate capitalism.”

“But despite this wealth of creativity, we’ve hardly sold any, and the 14 we have sold appear to have gone to a Miss D. Abbott of Westminster.”

“I’d like to thank her for her support, and for her inspired suggestion for the January photo.”

The Conservatives are expected to release their own calendar which will feature a laughing George Osborne kicking poor people through a pile of leaves in the September photo.

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