Tuesday 10 November 2015 by Formelia Alberthine

David Moyes replaces Spam as Britain’s least popular export


David Moyes spam

David Moyes has officially replaced Spam as Britain’s least popular export following his sacking from Real Sociedad.

The Spanish La Liga outfit dismissed the former Manchester United defeat device following a run of form which made Steve McClaren look like Steve McClaren.

A friend of the unemployed Scotsman, Simon Williams, said the elevation to most reviled British export was little consolation.

“David prides himself on his ability to turn the ordinary into something even more ordinary, as his time at Manchester United would testify,” he told us.

“So being dismissed by Real Sociedad for delivering more-or-less the same tripe in the Basque country as he did at Old Trafford is somewhat galling.”

“But when a tin of reclaimed pork parts reconstituted into a block of gelatinous meat is proving more popular on the continent than you are, it’s time to have a look in the mirror.”

Williams went on to suggest Moyes was examining all options available to him following his dismissal.

“David may take this opportunity to further enhance the prospects of other unsavoury British exports such as One Direction.”

“Expect a single to be released within the next fortnight.”

A spokesman for Spam manufacturer, Hormel Foods, wished to thank Moyes for his selfless promotion of their product.

“Processed food has come in for a bit of kicking recently, so we wish to express our gratitude to David Moyes.”

“Perhaps Spam can return the favour and boost his appeal to future employers by applying for any future managerial vacancy that becomes available in the 4th tier of English football?”

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