Monday 2 November 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Deluded man argues that hardly anyone could have written ‘Shake It Off’


Taylor Swift

A moron is arguing that only he can come up with incredibly simple lyrics to children’s pop songs.

R&B singer Jesse Braham is suing Taylor Swift for using the phrase “haters gonna hate” in her song, when it’s clear to everyone that only he could have come up with something so fucking poetic.

“I used the word ‘hate’ in one of my ‘songs’ as well,” ranted Braham, “and if my grasp of copyright law is correct, that means Taylor Swift owes me eleventy billion pounds.”

“It’s important that lyricists of my calibre are respected and held in the highest regard for our ability to write songs that a dog with a paintbrush could probably produce.”

Legal expert, Simon Williams, said, “This whole affair is remarkably tedious.”

“From what I can tell, one man used some words, a woman used three of the same words in an entirely different context, and now he wants lots of money.”

“I was drunk for most of law school but I’m pretty sure copyright doesn’t work that way.”

“I’ve listened to both songs and, apart from now hating music, I’ve concluded that a chimp could have penned either one of them.”

“So chalk this one up to both coincidence, and an appalling indictment of how low we’ve sunk since Freddie Mercury died.”

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