Saturday 31 October 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Widespread tricking threatened in wake of disappointing treat prediction


Halloween

Children across the country have promised one of the worst outbreaks of tricking seen in years if predictions of poor quality treats prove correct.

“It is my understanding,” said Sam, 8, as he pushed his finger up his left nostril to the knuckle.

“That many people expect to fob kids off with disappointing treats such as own-brand imitation sweets, fig rolls and, god forbid, apples.”

“This is unacceptable. This will be met a campaign of egging, knock-down-ginger, and spiders through the letterbox the like of which this country has never seen.”

Sam ended his chilling message with a very specific threat.

“And give us any of that Poundland crap and we’ll shit on your doorstep and I am not even joking.”

He then broke wind and dissolved into hysterics.

Police have warned the public to be vigilant and report any suspicious activity amongst children immediately.

“I would ask parents to look at their own kids for signs of tricking,” said Inspector Desmond Rowe, head of the special Metropolitan police tricking and pranking unit.

“Have they bought an unusual amount of eggs? Do they own a lot of string, particularly the silly variety? Have they cut two small holes in a white sheet?”

“If you suspect anything, contact us immediately.”

The worst outbreak of tricking recorded was in 1994 when Essex remained lawless for four days after Halloween and 17 people died.

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