Friday 30 October 2015

Hull to become the Vegas of the East (Riding of Yorkshire)


City of Hull

Plans to turn Hull into the entertainment capital of the UK have finally been approved today with officials claiming that the city will be transformed into the ‘Las Vegas of Yorkshire’.

The multi-billion pound plans will see a host of new casinos arrive on Tower Street to sit alongside up-market hotel chain Premier Inn with a strip to rival that of Las Vegas Boulevard.

Talks have been in place since Hull managed to blag the 2017 UK City of Culture back in 2013, and it’s expected there will be three themed hotel casinos to welcome the special year in.

Work will begin on the first in January, which is set to showcase Yorkshire at its finest. The Mayor of Hull said, “We bloody can’t wait to have t’new casino in place. Tis going to look chuffing splendid.”

The decision came from the emergence of the internet in Yorkshire just last year when the county switched from steam to electricity and Hull folk began to see the appeal of online gaming.

The mayor added, “It’s t’best thing since sliced bread let me tell you. Have you seen that internet? What a wonderful idea. You can play like you’re in that Las Vegas and soon that will be right here in magnificent Hull.”

The rise of online gaming in Hull has been huge in recent months with many enjoying the promotions at Royal Vegas Canada and demand has been so high that the plans to transform the city into a gaming capital have been pushed forward.

Details of the first resort have been released and as expected the resort will feature a TGI Sunday’s serving up Yorkshire puddings and gravy every night of the week, as well as almost a bovate (500,000sq ft) of casino floor space.

The resort, which has yet to be named, will include its own petting corner, tea room, and the world’s largest flat cap store alongside Roman inspired sculptures of Geoffrey Boycott and Emmerdale’s very own Zak Dingle.

Hull’s Councillor for Leisure and Culture has noticed a lift in the city since the news telling reporters, “The city of Hull hasn’t had publicity like this since the BBC came up from that London t’film an episode of Only Fools and Horses back in t’eighties.”

Local butcher Dickie Taylor was particularly looking forward to the residencies already announced for The Pavilion show bar, which include Rotherham’s finest Jivebunny, and Gladys (pictured), the barmaid/entertainer at the Kings Arms on Topless Tuesdays.

Dickie beamed, “I can’t believe me sen, Gladys. On t’stage she belongs. The lass has talent. Real talent. Not like those long haired barmpots on the Pop Factor. I’ve been filling my sausage with glee since t’news came through on t’wireless.”

The casino is expected to be completed by November 2016 with work on the following two expected to begin at the start of the 2016 cricket season.

Elsewhere in Hull, the city has been announced as the second worst place to live in the UK according to the quality of life index, only behind Bradford, whose mayor described the news as, “Bollocks.”

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