Wednesday 28 October 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Dido, Sam Smith and Adele to form super-group named ‘Feelings and Prozac’


Miserable woman listening to music

Three of pop’s most wrist-slittingly mournful artists are to form a supergroup for a supremely gloomy global tour.

Dido, Sam Smith and Adele are to join forces to provide the ultimate album for drunken women crying on the stairs.

“It’s a fantastic idea” said tour manager, Simon Williams, “we envision stadiums full of people who will look inwardly at their lives over the course of two hours, then conclude that their first love was the best one and they’re just making do with their current partner.”

“After all, that’s what great music is all about, and be ‘great’ I mean ‘funeral’ and by ‘music’ I mean ‘background noise to a hanging’.”

The general public were suitably depressed by the news.

“Ugh,” said Martin Cavendish.

“My wife will want to go and see that. She’s always mopy these days. No idea why, I don’t really pay her much attention.”

“Still, at least if those three are on tour then they won’t have time to fuck-up anymore James Bond themes.”

The tour is hoped to be even more depressing than that time that Peter Andre tried to make another go of it and sold roughly seven tickets.

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