Wednesday 28 October 2015 by DavyWavy

Dangerous sports enthusiasts add eating bacon to the list


Bacon sandwich

Live-life-on-the-edge danger seekers have added eating bacon to the list of extreme sports today.

Social media profiles of wiry young men with ponytails who say ‘dude’ a lot are already including photographs of bacon butties to shots of them surfing and BASE jumping in an attempt to impress girls with just how brave they are.

Meanwhile #baconselfie is already trending on twitter as people attempt to outdo each other with the number of rashers they dare eat.

Hollywood has rapidly moved to add tension in action thrillers by including red meat in the scripts of some of the biggest forthcoming films.

“In Goldeneye, a highly trained stuntman bungee jumped off a dam, and in keeping with that edgy feel in Spectre James Bond tucks into a full English Breakfast,” studio spokesman Simon Williams told us.

“And the plot of Fast and Furious 8 will involve a race against time to steal a massively dangerous shipment of sausages before it falls into the wrong hands.”

“When Vin Diesel is around, those bangers really do go bang!” he added, with the desperate and sad air of someone who is truly empty inside and hates what they have become.

Meanwhile, pious and holier-than thou types are already smugly pointing out that avoiding red meat means they will live almost 54 minutes longer, and they plan to use those additional minutes thinking about all the fun they missed out on.

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