Monday 26 October 2015 by Joel Klinger

WHO proves that God doesn’t exist with bacon cancer link


Bacon cancer link proves there is no God

The World Health Organisation has provided definitive evidence that God doesn’t exist, after announcing that eating bacon and sausages causes cancer.

Researchers claim that new evidence has proven that there is no way to reconcile the existence of carcinogenic tasty meats and the omnibenevolence of ‘God’.

Professor Simon Williams, from the Institute of Delicious Meats, said, “There is no God, and we finally have proof.”

“After two millenniums of intense theological debate from all sides of the argument, it is finally time to call it.”

“Churches and religious organisations around the world can talk about ‘mysterious ways’ all they like, but no super-being of any description would put cancer in bacon.”

Churchgoers have been left confused by the announcement, insisting they have had their faith rocked to the core.

Catholic Roger Smythe told us, “I can take Him creating babies born with Aids, or flies that can only survive by burrowing into your eye to ultimately make you go blind – but putting cancer in bacon? No. Just…no.”

“That’s no God of mine.”

Professor Williams concluded, “Of course, this decision doesn’t mean you need to stop eating any red and processed meat, but you might want to stop going to church.”

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