Monday 26 October 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Rugby world cup still going on


Rugby World Cup

There was dismay across the country yesterday as people realised that the Rugby World Cup still hasn’t finished.

“I couldn’t believe it was still going on,” said typical human being, Simon Williams.

“I mean, didn’t it start some time last year? It seems that every time I turn on the television there’s a large man pummelling another large man in an attempt to get an oddly shaped ball.”

“I’m not sure why we should have to bother with an actual tournament at all, we should just give the trophy to New Zealand and then they can just show loads of repeats of Columbo on telly instead?”

The World Cup has seen an estimated 60% rise in desperately dull, middle class men boring on endlessly about rucks, mauls, ‘real men,’ and why ‘ale’ is superior to lager despite the fact that it’s all mass produced in giant metal vats somewhere just off the A1.

Even fans of the sport have seemingly had enough.

“I bloody love rugby more than my own children,” said stockbroker Mark Hammond.

“But frankly, I think we should have called a halt to the whole thing when England went out. Bloody disgrace that we have to pay to host a tournament we’re not in.”

The tournament is expected continue on relentlessly, forever.

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