Monday 26 October 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Joy of bacon sandwich overrides cancer risk, says everyone


Bacon sandwich

Nobody gives a flying fuck as to whether bacon causes cancer or not.

The World Health Organisation (WHO) today announced that bacon and other processed meats are carcinogenic, and added them to the same list as alcohol, cigarettes and anything else that might bring you a snippet of joy in this otherwise cruel and desolate world.

The general public has reacted by suggesting the WHO might want to shove their findings up their arse.

“Do one,” ordered Simon Williams, a normal human and therefore massive fan of bacon.

“Everything gives you cancer these days – I mean it doesn’t, obviously, or we’d all have cancer right now. But you get what I mean.”

“Bacon could rise up as a sentient being, murder my family and insult my football team and I would still say that I loved it.”

“I like my bacon the same way I like women: stacked five high and covered in butter.”

“I would sooner a short life filled with bacon and happiness than a long life of misery caused by lentils.”

“Fuck cancer and fuck the WHO- the organisation, not the band; unless the band has a problem with bacon, in which case fuck them too.”

“BACON.”

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