Saturday 24 October 2015 by Spacey

TalkTalk ranked bottom in cyber-hacker satisfaction survey


TalkTalk ranked bottom in cyber-hacker satisfaction survey

TalkTalk have received a unanimous thumbs-down from cyber-hackers in a survey based on staff knowledge, phone menu system, politeness, helpfulness and waiting times.

With nerd-crime on the rise, TalkTalk have moved quickly to give a vague impression of caring.

“We are trying to strike a balance between spending vast amounts of money on advertising and nothing whatsoever on improving our services,” revealed a spokesperson.

“If customers don’t want to contact our call centre they can receive an equally effective service by flushing money down the toilet while listening to the musical equivalent of a backstreet abortion.”

Boffins-gone-bad have been scathing in their analysis of TalkTalk’s customer service operation, with the majority critical of how long it took them to get through with ransom demands.

“Accessing their customers’ information is a breeze, but the aftercare is atrocious,” revealed one lawless egghead.

“When I finally got through I was placed on hold while the operative checked something with their supervisor.

“I was then transferred through to someone who had the soft skills of David Starkey being attacked by an army of wasp-sized feminists.”

Unprincipled Poindexters were also highly critical of TalkTalk staff’s knowledge.

“Speaking to TalkTalk’s customer service is like trying to explain the plot of Twin Peaks to a golden retriever,” claimed one nefarious nerdlinger.

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