Friday 23 October 2015 by DavyWavy

Jeremy Corbyn’s face appears in a slice of toast


Jeremy Corbyn appears on toast

The face of Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has appeared on a slice of toast this morning, leading his followers to believe it a miraculous sign of imminent deliverance.

Miraculous powers have been attributed to Corbyn, including raising the Labour Party from the dead and making lame ducks walk, and believers say the toast manifestation is simply the first and greatest demonstration of his power.

Crowds of the faithful have gathered to witness the divine appearance and to pay homage to the man they believe is their saviour; many expect to be physically swept up to Parliament in the rapture to replace deselected MPs.

The toast was made in a humble toaster in Hampstead owned by Corbyn supporter and full-time activist Simon Williams.

“When Jeremy wins the next election he will usher in a land of milk and honey,” he told us.

“Where everyone will be paid more than the average wage and there will be no more food banks as all will be fed from five loaves and two small fish.”

“Then everyone will be a free spirit like me, instead of a slimy Tory profiteer like daddy.”

“Forever and ever, amen.”

Simon plans to share the miraculous toast on eBay, where it is expected to attract bids of up to 84p.

In related news, reports from Edinburgh suggest that Alex Salmond’s face has been seen in a Tunnocks Tea-cake, although sceptics say it’s impossible to tell as that’s what Tunnocks Tea-cakes look like anyway.

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