Tuesday 13 October 2015

Lock up hoverboard pricks and throw away the key, demands entire nation


Hoverboard wheels

Upon learning that the use of ‘hoverboards’ is illegal on the pavement, there have been calls to lock up the sort of arseholes that use them and throw away the key.

The ridiculous looking contraptions have gained in popularity in recent months, and have forced authorities to clarify their legal standing.

A 200 year-old law prevents their use on the pavements and roads, with section 72 of the Highway Act 1835 particularly calling out pricks on stupid skateboard things.

Pedestrian Simon Williams told us, “I’ve always believed that life sentences should be reserved for murderers and sexual predators, but frankly having someone whizz past me on a hoverboard has changed my mind.”

“Life in prison is almost too good for them.”

“If they happen to be using a phone at the same time then I’d advocate a return to capital punishment.”

Hoverboard fanatic Shane Matthews said he felt the unfair persecution of hoverboard users was halting the progress of eco-friendly personal transportation technology on our streets.

He told us, “Plus they look cool. Mine has blue lights and everything.  I make ‘vroom vroom’ noises as I go around the streets, and that’s not even remotely annoying.”

However Williams concluded, “Kill him. Kill him now.”

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