Tuesday 13 October 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Blatter, Platini and Valcke to open law firm as that’s what their names sound like


Blatter law firm

Three senior FIFA officials have decided to go into a business together after realising how ruddy brilliant their names sound when said in sequence.

Sepp Blatter, Michel Platini & Jerome Valcke had a “Damascus moment” (or whatever the evil-as-shit version of that is) when they were formally suspended from FIFA.

“It was like a light had clicked on” said Sepp Blatter, “our names trickle from the tongue like money from a brown envelope- not that that analogy reflects on my character, you understand.”

“Our law-firm will be the best in the world. And by ‘best’, I mean most corrupt, and by ‘world’, I mean “Lichtenstein, for tax reasons”.”

Michel Platini said, “wWe’re going to start small, like an agent’s initial offer to a referee.”

“We’ll begin by defending those who have been wrongly implicated in international bribery scandals. Stick to what you know and all that.”

“I imagine everything else will be a doddle. We all own at least one suit and we’ve already cracked through an entire season of Ally McBeal.”

The law firm’s first client is one Brendan Rodgers, who is suing his former employer for wrongful dismissal.

“Not a chance,” cackled Blatter.

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