Monday 12 October 2015 by Lucas Wilde

George Osborne’s spin team kick off ‘Project Likeable’


George Osborne

George Osborne’s PR team has begun the unenviable task of making him appealing to non-bastards.

The self-styled chancellor of the exchequer is hotly tipped to take up the sceptre of twattery once Prime Minister David Cameron sets it down in 2019.

“We’re working on a football team for him,” said Simon Williams, Osborne’s Head of PR.

“As it stands we’re torn between Everton and Queen’s Park Rangers; or we might just have him support both, in the same way that Dave supports West Ham and Aston Villa.”

Many have argued that Osborne’s face is as much of an issue as his character, record and overall way of being.

“His smile is an issue, I’ll admit. He has the look of a shark who is remembering the last child he ate; and Vladimir Putin has already trademarked that.”

“We’ve hired a ‘smile expert’, although not the one that worked on Gordon Brown. None of us want that.”

Smile expert, Elizabeth King, said “yes, my parents ARE proud of me, thank you for asking.”

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, this entire team has to cram 40 years of work into 48 months.”

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