Monday 12 October 2015 by Formelia Alberthine

Becoming a doctor now taking less time than getting to see one


Doctor training

Extended waiting lists for appointments with General Practitioners now means it is quicker to become a doctor than actually getting to see one.

With patients being forced to forgo visits to the doctor in favour of medical drop-ins and one-to-ones with triage nurses, requesting an audience with a GP is as ambitious as Frankie Goes to Hollywood extending the offer of an audition to Pope Francis.

A spokesman for the NHS, Simon Williams, encouraged patients to align their expectations with the level of services on offer.

“The days of falling ill and getting to see a qualified GP to cure your ailment are a memory as distant as Nicholas Clegg,” he told us.

“The best chance you have to actually look a doctor in the eye is to undertake your doctorates and medical exams and look at yourself in the mirror when you’ve passed.”

“Failing that, tune in to BBC 1 on Saturdays at around 8PM.”

Williams continued, “Sure, the studying can take over a decade in some instances.”

“But then getting an appointment with a ‘proper’ doctor these days is more about being mis-diagnosed and fobbed off with the antidepressants that pharmaceuticals companies are offering clinics a bonus for prescribing.”

Periodic patient, Hilary Mount, was aghast at taxpayers being corralled into a career in the NHS in order to receive treatment.

“I’d rather drop dead than scratch around with a stethoscope trying to listen to my heart-beat.”

“Clearly I’d fit in perfectly.”

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