Friday 9 October 2015 by Neil Tollfree

FIFA now only consists of a tea-lady and the cat


FIFA leadership

After the exit of Sepp Blatter and Michel Platini, FIFA now consists of the office cat and a tea-lady called Edna, with all other employees either suspended, banned or arrested.

The shock news that the whole of world football is in the hands of the lady who makes the tea and a cat called Puddles will come as a lift to football fans who will see the new leadership as vastly more suited to the job than a bunch of grotesquely corrupt old men.

Immediately changes within the organisation were evident with Edna declaring that on her watch all tea would be made in a pre-warmed pot and the cake trolley will have a lovely Battenberg on it made by her friend Sylvia.

Former England great Gary Lineker gave Edna’s words a cautious welcome.

“Obviously, I’d like to understand Edna’s views on the specifics of how to deal with the World Cup in Qatar, and how to institute full internal organisational reform,” he said, whilst eating some crisps.

“But, frankly, Edna’s promise of a pre-warmed pot is the most sensible thing to come out of FIFA in years.”

Puddles also showed he has strong views on the current state of world football.

“Meow,” he said.

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