Friday 9 October 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Defunct loom bands fashioned into prison for Magneto


Loom bands for Magneto

Millions of so-last-year loom bands have been fashioned into a massive flexi-prison for the nemesis of Charles Xavier.

Simon Williams, or “Magneto” as he preposterously calls himself, was arrested last month for going within 100 yards of a school.

“Not in a nonce-way” argued Williams, “I’m just not allowed near that particular school, or ‘academy for gifted youngsters’ as they insist on calling. Mostly because I tried to blow it up a while ago.”

“You may have seen the fairly shit film about it.”

DCI Mandy Bates said, “We tried imprisoning Simon Williams, aka ‘Magneto’ in a conventional cell, but he kept taking the bars out and making them into balloon animals, which is just irritating.”

“Then Martha on reception brought in approximately 20 million loom bands that she had lying around the house, and that’s put the wind right up the cocky little twat.”

Magneto admitted, “I’m a little embarrassed to be imprisoned by a children’s toy, but then Dracula gets defeated by sunlight and pointy wood and he’s still cool.”

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