Thursday 8 October 2015 by Graham

OAP finds million-pound carrier bag hoard under sink


Old lady carrier bags

An old age pensioner from Romford has reportedly found a million pound carrier bag hoard under her kitchen sink.

Reports indicate that Maggie Greene, 72, found the bags, which come from an array of Britain’s biggest grocery retailers, while looking for a bottle of black shoe polish she bought in 1997.

“I was sure I had some shoe polish in the cupboard under the sink,” revealed Mrs. Greene earlier today.

“My son Michael said he was going to buy some because he wants to dress up as a Black and White Minstrel for Halloween but I told him not to waste his money and that he could have mine.”

According to Mrs. Greene, she was buried under an “avalanche of plastic bags” after she opened the door to the undersink cupboard.

“They were everywhere,” she continued. “The whole kitchen floor was covered in them. I’m really not too sure how they got there but I’m more than happy to keep them.”

Initial reports suggest that the overall value of Mrs. Greene’s fortuitous find equates to approximately 1.2 million pounds, which she intends on spending on a variety of “boiled sweets, tinned biscuits, seven up, gin, Silk Cuts, bingo and black shoe polish”.

Experts are predicting that there may be million dollar plastic bag hoards under sinks the length and breadth of the country and are asking people to be extra vigilant as criminal elements may choose to exploit the situation.

“It’s what’s known as the Manchester City factor,” explained Dr. Peter Mooney of the
Money Bags Institute.

“It’s when something goes from being worth literally nothing, to being worth quite a lot over night.”

“There are literally hundreds of millions of pounds worth of plastic bags all over the country and people should be very careful with how the store them.”

If you or any of your family are in possession of an excess of plastic bags you are advised to either buy a safe, stuff them into your mattress or deposit them in your local bank immediately.

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