Wednesday 7 October 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Right-wing lunatic stupefied by poppy-themed hijab


Poppy hijab

‘That bloke’ down the pub has been stumped by the revelation that a poppy-themed headscarf will be available to women this Remembrance Day.

The garment is on sale and proceeds will go to the Royal British Legion, unlike any of the items for sale on certain right-wing Facebook pages.

“I…just…I mean….what?” sputtered moron Simon Williams.

“So it’s a headscarf for muzzies, so that’s clearly bad, but it’s raising money for the Legion, which is brilliant… what the hell is happening here?”

“My frothing bigotry is clashing with my sense of national pride here. Much like John Terry and Steven Gerrard in an England line-up.”

“Sorry for the football analogy, but that’s the only analogy I know.”

“Anyway, this peep-scarf…some might suggest that this is the wake-up call that me and others like me require, but that requires progress, so you can shove it up your arse.”

“They’re still taking over, and there’s still nothing left for us Brits to enjoy anymore” concluded Williams, from a pub, while drinking a beer, and reading Nuts magazine.

The headscarf has actually been in existence since October 2014.

“We kept it from him for a year” said Simon Williams’ wife, “we didn’t want to give him a brain aneurism.”

“But he forgot my birthday last week, so I gaffa-taped a photo of the thing onto the telly.”

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