Wednesday 7 October 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Cameron’s ‘Starter Homes’ actually just a skip full of bricks and some cement


Starter homes David Cameron

The 200,000 starter homes being promised by the government today actually consist simply of a large pile of bricks and some material to stick them together.

It is hoped that the literal nature of the starter homes will encourage the vast majority of people who can’t afford the eleventy billion pound average deposit required to actually buy a house.

“We’re giving people the tools to help themselves,” insisted a Conservative spokesperson.

“Well, not the tools, they’ll have to source those themselves. But we are giving them bricks and mortar, so I suggest they say thank you and get cracking.”

The plan has been met with scepticism by the general public.

“I’m sceptical about this,” confirmed Simon Williams, a 29 year-old office assistant.

“I’m part of what is basically a lazy generation, so I’m not exactly sure how bricks work.”

“I know there’s some sort of criss-cross pattern involved but that’s where my knowledge ends.”

“I’d like to throw money at a builder to do this for me, to be honest, but the crippling cost of rent in London essentially means that I can just about afford to eat this month, as long as I can somehow split a single baked potato between breakfast, lunch and dinner.”

A Conservative spokesperson said “See? HELPING.”

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