Tuesday 6 October 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Liverpool hire manager based on Football Manager 2015 prowess


Football Manager Liverpool boss

Liverpool’s new manager has no experience of running a professional football club but is properly good at the video game based on it.

It is widely hoped that the relative unknown/absolute beginner couldn’t make much more of a bollocks of things than Brendan Rogers has.

“Seriously, at this point, we were looking at getting a Yorkshire terrier to fill in,” said Simon Williams, Liverpool Chairman.

“But some busy-body said we should at least get a human in.”

“I mean, if Sky Sports can genuinely try to determine how good a player is based on their stats in the game, then why not a choose a manager in the same way?”

“Then Barry piped up and mentioned that his mate was really good at this video game thingy, so we’re getting him in to shake things up.”

“I say ‘we’, but I’m moving as far away from this as possible.”

Dave Sharp, 39, has been playing Football Manager for nearly twenty years in the hope that this kind of opportunity would come up.

“And now it’s happened” he beamed, “So fuck you, friends, family and colleagues who laughed at me.”

“I’m going to start off by bringing in Lionel Messi, pushing up the back 5, and ordering in absolutely shitloads of pringles to keep me going for this extended session.”

“That’s the spirit,” sighed Williams.

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