Tuesday 6 October 2015 by Lucas Wilde

5p a reasonable price to f*ck environment in the arse


Carrier bags 5p charge

Carrier bag experts have agreed that five pennies in exchange for killing planet earth represents extraordinary value for money.

The shopping-carriers cum fish-traps were previously given away for free, until someone realised just what a deal that was.

“If I want to kill animals, I have to buy a permit,” argued Simon Williams, a 32 year-old carrier bag expert with a surprising number of friends.

“But these shoppers were previously getting carrier bags for nothing, and those things can kill a dolphin once they get out to sea.”

“The time for free-loading has passed.”

Regular shopper and bastard, Yvonne Riggs, said, “It’s a disgrace, like most things.”

“I should be able to get carrier bags for free. I know that they are essentially consumer items and therefore they have a retail value anyway, and that they are environmental cancer, but any consideration of those facts is devastating to my argument, so you can stick it up your arse.”

“What am I supposed to do now? Bring a bag from home, you say? What is this, Nazi Germany?”

“Mark my words, this is the thin end of the wedge, if I was in charge, etc.”

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