Monday 5 October 2015

Liverpool begin search for new chief turd polisher


Liverpool turd polisher

Liverpool football club have this morning begun the search for a world-class turd polisher capable of turning their ‘squad’ into league champions.

Just hours after firing previous turd polisher Brendan Rodgers, the club has said it aims to make a quick appointment and will try to have a new chief turd polisher on board after the international break.

The decision to sack Rodgers has pleased Liverpool fans who for some unfathomable reason believe Liverpool should be incredibly successful, every single year, despite being a bit shit.

Poor deluded Liverpool fan Simon Williams told us, “Brendan Rodgers didn’t polish the Liverpool turd, so much as smear it across his chest and into the faces of the fans.”

“What people need to realise is that we should be winning the league every year, we just need a turd polisher with vision and a bit of tactical nous.”

“Our turd deserves to be league champions. The fact that Blackburn and Leeds have won the league more recently than we have is completely irrelevant.”

Football expert Les Walden, told us, “Look, Liverpool need to realise you can’t polish a turd, it’s just not possible.”

“The Liverpool fans should just be happy that manager after manager has rolled their turd around in a bit of glitter to at least make it look pretty.”

“But a turd is still a turd.”

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