Tuesday 29 September 2015 by Formelia Alberthine

Martians issued with hose-pipe ban following water discovery


Mars Waters find

Martian authorities have issued an immediate hosepipe ban after confirmation of the existence of flowing water on the Red Planet.

The newly formed Martian Water Board have responded swiftly to the news, insisting a hosepipe ban is the only way to conserve the meagre amounts of water still left on Mars.

Martian, Holag Zag, was disappointed the newly discovered resource was being restricted so soon.

“We are still in spring, and no sooner has water been found than we have been banned from hosing down the flying saucer on a Sunday,” he told us.

“I mean, my garden hasn’t been watered for millions of years and now I’m expected to refresh it using a bucket or a basin – it is simply unacceptable.”

Neighbour, Bolag Hag, a far-right sympathiser, was concerned the discovery may lead to an influx of extra-terrestrial foreigners eager to exploit the hitherto dormant water.

“We’re a close knit, some might say, secretive community and newcomers stand out like a sore seventh finger.”

“We can’t afford to have our values eroded by those who haven’t even bothered to learn the language or know who scored the winner for Mars in the 1966 Intergalactic Cup.”

The Martian Water Board were more welcoming of the prospect of intergalactic immigration as a result of the find.

Spokesman, Zalag Galp, said, “We have a serious shortage of plumbers, for obvious reasons.”

“Have Poland entered the space race?”

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