Monday 28 September 2015 by Gary Stanton

Capitalism in ruins after protestors target bowl of Sugar Puffs


Sugar Puffs and Cereal Killer cafe

Capitalism was pronounced ‘dead’ this morning after an angry mob demanded a return to traditional cereal pricing.

Trading across London ceased when the Cereal Killer café in Shoreditch was attacked by anti-gentrification protestors, who organised the riot on their smart phones.

Locals described the devastation after a £3.20 bowl of Sugar Puffs was sent crashing to the floor and three customers received the wrong type of milk.

And stocks and shares were sent tumbling when a Class War activist wearing a pig mask tried to order a cooked breakfast.

Police fear anarchist groups such as Anti-Shreddies Action and the League Against Coco Pops are becoming more organised and Golden Grahams could be next.

Agitators insist that cereals priced at several quid for a bowl put them way beyond reach of the average trust fund.

Simon Williams, veteran of the 1990 Poll Tax riot, described the attack as a tactical masterstroke.

“Terry the Tiger must be weeping into his Frosties,” he told us.

Meanwhile hipster café owner and shrewd business man, Gary Keery, said “All of the damage that these twats have caused will have to be paid for.”

“From now on, Weetabix will cost you a fiver.”

“Do you want hot milk on that?”

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