Jeremy Kyle Show to feature Jeremy Kyle’s bitter marriage breakup

author avatar by 9 years ago

Recently separated Jeremy Kyle is to drag himself through the mud on his own shitty TV show.

The show entitled ‘I married a woman and now I am divorcing her because she can’t bring herself to have sex with me’ will be watched by almost half a million morons later this week.

In front of a packed studio audience, Kyle will demand to know why his wife will no longer put out, before turning his anger on himself.

Holding the microphone up to his own mouth, Kyle will yes “It’s your bloody fault Kyle, you pathetic little worm. You could never satisfy her with that little maggot dick of yours. You disgust me.”

However, Kyle will quickly leap to his own defence, branding his ex-lover a ‘cheating slag’ who is proper dirty in the bedroom.

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Kyle will continue, “With all due respect Jeremy, I think you’re being a little hard on yourself. All the time you were on top of her, she was pretending it was someone else. Isn’t that right you fucking bitch?”

Kyle will then be jeered by members of the audience before taking himself backstage for a stern talking to.

As tempers fray, the show turns nasty as Kyle attempts to punch himself repeatedly in the face with the hand that isn’t holding the microphone.

The fight escalates into a horrific bloody brawl when security guards wade in and kick the shit out of Kyle for beating himself up.

After consulting his lawyers, Kyle is planning a follow-up show entitled ‘I am a wealthy man looking to share my life with someone special, but having great difficulty finding someone because I am utterly repugnant’.