Thursday 24 September 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Local man indifferent to Marmite


Marmite small

A man who lives worryingly near to your house has declared he can “take it or leave it” when it comes to Marmite.

Ian McDonald, 41, stunned his friends during a pub conversation about the popular yeast-based spread.

“Meh,” said McDonald.

“It’s not something I’ll usually have in the cupboard, but if there’s some going on a bit of toast, I’ll happily eat it.”

Ian’s friend, Tom Watson, said “what a freak.”

“I mean…he just…it isn’t…I can’t even talk about it. It’s unprecedented.”

“You either pour Marmite down your neck like wine down a Frenchman, or you vomit at the mere mention of the name. There is no in-between.”

Ian’s wife was similarly concerned.

“God knows where I stand now,” she said.

“He’s always told me that he loves me, but from the sounds of it, he doesn’t even know what either “love” or “hate” even means.”

“He needs to pick a side, and by God, he better pick mine.”

Ian McDonald has already been contacted by the spread’s marketing executives with a tedious idea for a marketing campaign.

“Yeah, whatever,” shrugged McDonald.

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