Wednesday 23 September 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Number 10 confident that everyone is over that whole pig f*cking thing


David Cameron fucked a pigs head

The Prime Minister’s office has announced that it’s confident the story about David Cameron’s liaison with the mouth of a dead pig is now pretty much over and everyone’s forgotten about it.

“Look, it’s the British people we’re talking about here,” said a Number 10 spokesperson

“Sober, reflective, and utterly respectful of those in charge. I’m pretty confident that they’ve all moved on from what is a fairly trivial penis.”

“Sorry, a fairly trivial penis story.”

The spokesperson then made a plea to treat the Prime Minister fairly.

“What I’d ask everyone to do is focus on all the times that David Cameron didn’t put his penis into a dead pig’s mouth. Those are the times that really count.”

“I mean, most days, Mr Cameron woke up, and asked himself if he wanted to put his penis into a dead pig and said ‘No.’ There was just one day he got that answer wrong. I don’t think we need to focus on that day.”

Finally, he sought to underline Mr Cameron’s competency.

“It has been said that someone who allows himself to be persuaded to put his own genitals into the mouth of a dead pig may not be the strongest negotiator in the world, but I refute that entirely.”

“Imagine the things he didn’t do that night.”

Things David Cameron has f*cked – t-shirt

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