Wednesday 23 September 2015 by Lucas Wilde

‘I thought $750 was a fair price to put on a Life’ shrugs bastard pharmaceutical boss


Martin Shkreli aids pills

The evil owner of a pharmaceutical company has insisted that a mark-up from $5 to $750 for a life-saving AIDS pill was entirely reasonable.

Martin “Fuck-Face” Shkreli of Turing Pharmaceuticals has since promised to ditch the $750 price tag for the drug, Daraprim, but remains disgusted at the low value you people place on a person’s life.

“I’m just saying, if it was my nan, and I could save her life for $750, I’d call that a bargain,” suggested the deplorable twat.

“I think you lot need to take a bloody good look in the mirror and ask yourselves what exactly you WOULD be willing to spend $750 on. No doubt you wouldn’t so much as blink if I asked you to spend that much on a telly.”

“But a pill that actually stops you from dying? Ooh no, that’s a bit steep now, isn’t it?”

“Now I have to cut the price because some of you are ‘upset’ and apparently that’s how democracy works now.”

“Unbelievable.”

Martin Shkreli made his initial fortune as a hedge fund manager, where he was only slightly a prick, before buying his way into the pharmaceutical business to become a full-blown shit-biscuit of the highest order.

“It’s the stuff dreams are made of,” insisted Shkreli.

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