Tuesday 22 September 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Police officer admits to owning George Michael album


George Michael

A Police Officer has admitted to purchasing a CD by the “singer”, George Michael.

A dawn raid on Officer Simon Williams’ house revealed two copies of the 2004 album, “Patience”, which isn’t even one of the “good” ones.

“This man is disturbed” said DCI Tom Bridger, “having a George Michael album in the first place is bad, but a 21st century, half-arsed collection of uninspired warblings is so very much worse.”

“And God knows why he has two copies, the sadist.”

“We’re essentially doing him and indeed the public a favour by taking these away and having them destroyed.”

“We also found some marijuana but I’m far less bothered by that.”

Officer Williams said, “I’m not ashamed.”

“Well, ok, I am a bit. It’s a little embarrassing. But I swear the second copy was a present for a friend and I just never got around to giving it to him.”

“Please stop laughing.”

It has been illegal to own George Michael albums ever since he became friends with Geri Halliwell and was subsequently tainted by artistic failure.

“Well at least I don’t own any Geri Halliwell albums!” said Officer Bishop, eyes darting about the room.

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