Tuesday 22 September 2015 by Lucas Wilde

‘Happily married’ men left bereft by Skype outage


Skype calls

Men in the midst of brilliant marriages were at a loss last night after a Skype fault left them unable to have video sex with strangers.

Books were having the dust blown from them and DIY projects were finally finished as males joined in blissful matrimony were left with sod-all else to do once the wife had gone to bed.

“I’ve finally finished that spice rack,” beamed a proud Simon Williams, a 31 year-old man who has been married for a whopping eight months.

“It took no time to screw the final bits together thanks to the sudden strength in my wrist.”

“Although I expect that’s from all the lawn mowing I’ve definitely been doing.”

“Yes, that’s definitely it.”

“Although it would be quite nice if Skype could work again; y’know, for work purposes.”

Simon’s wife, Vicky Williams, 29, said “I have no idea why he would need Skype for work, and I have no idea why he has to conduct business at midnight when he reckons I’m asleep.”

“But then who am I to pry into the intricate world of greengrocery?”

It is thought that Skype has been maliciously hacked by a swarm of tech-savvy Christians determined to preserve the sanctity of marriage, but with enough smarts to know that gay marriage equals more marriage rather than less.

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