Monday 21 September 2015 by Gary Stanton

British pig farmers face fresh outbreak of ‘cock in mouth’ disease


David Cameron pig sex

Britain’s pig farmers face an uncertain future after a Buckinghamshire-based pig tested positive for cock in mouth disease.

Experts believe the outbreak started after soon-to-be-ex Prime Minister, David Cameron, was spotted acting suspiciously near an abattoir.

With reports that the PM definitely fucked a dead pig in the mouth whilst at college, police have put two and two together to make four.

And in a sad echo of 2001, farmers nationwide are preparing massive funeral pyres after a child in Berkhamsted complained that their bacon sandwich tasted of KY Jelly.

Detectives say they are now conducting an investigation into a historic swine-o-phile ring centred on Westminster, entitled Operation Danish.

The Met are following a number of leads after the porcine star of ‘Babe’ trotted forward with new information.

Meanwhile, supermarkets across the UK have been removing packets of bacon from their shelves en masse, especially anything going under the label of ‘streaky.’

Downing Street spokesman, Simon Williams, admitted the allegations of oral sex with the head of a butchered pig were highly embarrassing for the prime minister.

Williams said, “The PM takes animal welfare very seriously and it is almost certain that the pig in question came from an organic farm.”

He added, “We honestly don’t know how this information came to be in the public domain, but it’s likely that somebody squealed.”

T-shirt – Things David Cameron has f*cked

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: