Friday 18 September 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Dull middle class men to spend six weeks boring on about sport they don’t understand


Rugby World Cup 2015

Britain is bracing itself for six weeks of unremittingly tedious middle-class, middle-aged, awful people endlessly boring on about rugby; a sport they have only the vaguest comprehension of.

“Rugby World Cup?” said Middle manager and appalling bore Simon Williams.

“That’s where they can pick the ball up? Oh, yes, I’ve decided that will replace my Audi as my major topic of conversation for the next month or so.”

The public have been warned to watch out for overweight faintly posh men with England rugby shirts in pubs.

“They’ll be drinking pints of Ruddles, a laughably weak ‘ale’ they consider to be ‘proper beer,’” warned a representative for the licensing trade.

“After one pint, they’ll become deafeningly loud.”

“After two, they’ll be claiming that rugby is a far superior game to football and insinuating that there is less bad behaviour in Rugby because there are fewer black players.”

“After their third pint they’ll sexually assault the barmaid.”

Mr Williams remained oblivious.

“Oh yes, I’ll certainly pop down the local to cheer on our boys. Will Carling isn’t it? Brilliant. Lovely chap.”

He then started to sing ‘Swing low, sweet chariot.’

Mr Williams is expected to be punched to death before the end of the match.

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