Thursday 17 September 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Margaret Thatcher $10 bills to be double-quilted for extra softness


Thatcher dollar bills

Ten-dollar bills featuring the face of Margaret Thatcher are set to be soft, strong and thoroughly absorbent.

Following Presidential Candidate Jeb Bush’s suggestion that the former PM’s face should adorn the money of the USA, the United States Mint received the unusual request for the notes to be “quilted yet strong”.

“I can only imagine they wanted to reflect the simultaneously delicate yet strong leadership of Margaret Thatcher” said Martin Kloons, Head of Money Printing, “it is a wonderful tribute and very thoughtful.”

“Although I’m not quite sure why it has to be quite so absorbent; perhaps to soak up the tears of joy from anyone lucky enough to find such a bill in their wallet or purse.”

Demand for the new bills has been unprecedented, particularly in the North of England, for reasons which remain unclear.

“I’m just really into unusual currency” insisted Simon Williams, a coal-miner’s son from Northumberland.

“That’s the only reason why I’ve pre-ordered $3000 worth of Thatcher notes. They’ll be worth more one day, I expect.”

“I’m going to keep it in the bathroom next to some magazines; but only because that’s where I keep all of my really important things like gas bills and letters from the council.”

The biggest order so far has come from a Mr. Jeremy Corbyn, of no fixed abode.

“He must be a huge fan, he’s ordered $60,000 worth” said a puzzled Kloons.

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