Wednesday 16 September 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Everyone furious as agnostic republican doesn’t sing song about God rescuing a monarch


Angry people

People across the country were left confused and frightened today after a man who isn’t a massive fan of the queen didn’t sing a song about how terrific she is.

Jeremy Corbyn, who now splits his duties between leading the Labour Party and driving a ghost train, attended a service in memorial of those who served in the Battle of Britain.

However, instead of blaring out the words to a song nobody knows the words to, asking a God most people don’t believe in, to save a monarch that is in no danger whatsoever, Corbyn chose to stand in respectful silence to remember those actually lost during the battle.

“What a wanker,” sputtered Andrew Jarvis, 34.

“The veterans of the Battle of Britain fought and died so that we could be forced to sing the anthem no matter our religious or political beliefs.”

“Respectful silence my foot. I saw him; he was definitely looking around trying to work out how best to blow up the building.”

A Labour spokesperson said “Jeremy thought it might be hypocritical of him and maybe a little disrespectful to the dead to commemorate them by singing words which he personally doesn’t believe in.”

“We obviously need to remind him that he’s a politician now.”

“Although I can empathise with his dilemma. I refused to join in with the Macarena once and I was shunned for the rest of the disco.”

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