Tuesday 15 September 2015 by David Macpherson

Whovians furious as Dr Who’s qualification revealed to be in homeopathy


Doctor Who of homeopathy

Dr Who fans have been left furious by the team behind the hit BBC series after it was revealed his only ‘qualification’ in the medical area is in homeopathy.

Stephen Moffat, head writer and executive producer of the BBC’s flagship science fiction and inappropriate age-gap romance program, has told the Radio Times the forthcoming series will reveal The Doctor is actually a doctor of homoeopathy.

Moffat explained, “Fans, by which I mean those people that hang around outside Forbidden Planet, are constantly asking me these annoying questions about plot holes and the constant breaking of the show’s own established inner logic. It’s so tiring.”

“So I just wanted to piss them off a bit,  and this seemed like a good way to do it.”

Series 9 is set to feature The Doctor drowning a Dalek battalion in a large vat of what is basically water without a single molecule of active substance, and preventing the Sun going supernova by orbiting it in the Tardis while holding a calming lavender candle out of the window.

Fans were instantly enraged. Whovian Brian Young stated, “Even though this show is about a 2,000 year old alien who can travel through time and consistently punches way above his weight with girls, the idea that tiny amounts of a substance diluted in proportionally huge amounts of water can act as anything more than a placebo is fucking ridiculous.”

Twitter also reacted with a predictable lack of proportion with @GallifreyGirl tweeting: “This is worse than ISIS” and @DancingDalek adding: “Moffat, you’ve just destroyed all 38 years of my childhood.”

The Official Dr Who fan club has reportedly issued a space fatwa against Moffat, but the Scottish-born writer has been unrepentant, stating, “Those nerds don’t scare me. I grew up in fucking Paisley.”

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