Friday 11 September 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Man uses LinkedIn to congratulate colleague on cracking set of tits


LinkedIn messaging

A solicitor is under fire today after using a business networking site to compliment his colleague’s ample breasts.

Simon Williams, 32, left a comment saying “Nice…you couldn’t possibly refer to THOSE as low-hanging fruit!!!”

“I don’t see what all the fuss is about,” said Williams.

“It was a simple, friendly compliment to someone I vaguely know, and now it’s taken up twenty minutes of air-time on Sky News and I’m probably going to have to move house and change my name.”

“I guess I’ll have to stop being pleasant to people; clearly it’s more hassle than it’s worth.”

Compliment recipient and ungrateful little strumpet, Elizabeth King, said “If I wanted a slightly pervy assessment from a relative stranger, I would have posted the photo on Twitter.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m more than pleased with how my figure has turned out, but there is a time and a place for men to critically assess it, and that’s in the Dog and Bone at 11pm on a Friday.”

“LinkedIn is for dry and tedious business content, nothing more.”

“In this scenario, I felt it was more than right to expose Simon as a pervert.”

“I obviously wouldn’t have done it if he’d sent me a fairly inconsequential private message just saying how nice my photo was. I do have some sense of proportion.”

A LinkedIn spokesperson said, “We can neither confirm nor deny the quality of the rack in question.”

“But we are loving the publicity.”

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