Thursday 10 September 2015 by Formelia Alberthine

British autumn under threat from Indian summer, claims UKIP


UKIP hate the Indian summer

The Indian summer being experienced by parts of the UK is threatening the far more deserving British autumn, according to UKIP officials today.

UKIP spokesman Simon Williams, expressed concern that the unseasonably high temperatures of the Indian summer were set to erode the traditional pastimes of the season, wreaking widespread pleasure amongst natives of its adopted home.

“UKIP are fully aware the British autumn often turns things brown, but despite this, we still support its right to work as a traditional indigenous British season.” he told us.

“This foreign summer has quite brazenly landed on the British Isles as if there was an unprotected tunnel direct from the subcontinent to Folkestone in Kent, all without so much as a sniff of a citizen test.”

“It didn’t even have the decency to stow away on the back of a lorry for 48 hours.”

“The UK is clearly a soft touch – you don’t hear of British Autumn encroaching on Indian Spring-time do you?”

“The last thing we want is for this Indian summer to get the sort of welcome that gives hope to the tens of thousands of refugees making their way across Europe.”

UKIP voter Sheila Mount had been left confused by her party’s stance, admitting to being conflicted about the impact of the Indian summer.

She explained, “It’s foreign sounding, but it has allowed me to have my breakfast on the patio in a pair of shorts – so I don’t know what to think?”

“How can something that’s named after a place full of brown people be so bloody pleasant?”

“It doesn’t make any sense and now my brain hurts.”

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