Wednesday 9 September 2015 by DavyWavy

Queen Elizabeth II beats Queen Victoria’s goal-scoring record


Queen

Queen Elizabeth II became Britain’s highest-scoring monarch last night with an impressive 89th year winner.

The record, which has stood since 1903, fell just before extra time and means that substitute Charles Windsor will remain on the bench for foreseeable fixtures.

The Queen, who has played a rock-solid role in defence since 1953, also took an active role in international competition against Germany when in the youth team and has appeared in hundreds of friendly fixtures around the world, especially in the United States.

Asked how she felt about the result, her majesty replied; “One has played a blinder.”

“One gave it a hundred and ten percent and got the result one wanted, but Charles didn’t.”

“And unlike some players, one still has all ones own hair.”

“Boom! Back of the net”, she added.

Charles Windsor is reported to be ‘sick as a parrot’ at the news, as he has been waiting for a chance of first-team action for years, although it is believed he hopes Elizabeth is now into time added on.

Britain’s Queens have a record of success on the pitch, with Victoria leading a world-beating side to repeated cup wins in the 19th century, and Elizabeth I thrashing a previously undefeated Spanish team in 1588.

The record goes back to Queen Boadicea who led her team on a giant-killing run against Italy after they inflicted a series of nasty fouls, before being knocked out on penalties in the final.

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