Tuesday 8 September 2015

Owning a mobile phone means your life is already perfect, insists ‘refugee expert’


Syrian refugees with mobile phones

Refugees with mobile phones were obviously doing plenty well enough where they were, according to a bloke in the pub last night.

The chubby bitter drinker who claims to know about these things, said anyone with a mobile phone has nothing to fear from persecution in their homeland and they had clearly been living the life of riley before they headed in our direction.

As he explained to anyone who would listen, “I saw this one guy on the news with a mobile phone talking to someone, probably a servant back in his palace in Syria explaining the best way to get into Europe.”

“It looked like a Nokia – what sort of destitute refugee has a Nokia, eh?”

“Clearly a Nokia is the sort of thing you acquire once everything else in your life is sorted. Once you have a home, food, job, safety – then you consider getting a Nokia.”

“So it’s perfectly reasonable to assume these phone-using refugees clearly aren’t refugees at all. Just people looking to go on benefits here because they think we’re a soft touch.”

He then went on to explain why personal technology of any sort should disqualify someone from claiming refugee status.

He concluded, “Look, at the end of the day if they’ve got a better phone than me, then they don’t deserve any help. Obviously.”

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