Tuesday 8 September 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Box junctions to be booby-trapped


Box Junction

Box junctions are to be fitted with trap-doors giving way to spike-pits and fire-traps in time for the new year.

It is hoped that new measure will maybe give people a fucking clue that they shouldn’t fucking stop on a fucking crisscross grid in the middle of some fucking traffic lights.

“We’re very hopeful,” said Samantha Curran, Head of Traffic.

“The benefit of the first couple weeks will mostly be toward the ongoing improvement of the human gene pool.”

“But after that, people will have got the message and learn that there are consequences to driving, or indeed stopping, like a complete bastard.”

“My ex-husband stops on box junctions all the time, so it’s been a particularly good week for me.”

“I’m looking forward to sitting in a deck chair on the cross-junction outside his house and listening to his desperate cries for help.”

Not everyone is in favour of the measure.

“Driving badly is as British as swearing at the news” claimed awful driver, Simon Williams.

“It’s not as if stopping on a box junction is illegal anyway.”

“Really? Oh, right. Still, it’s stupid. They’ll be doing away with y-fronts next.”

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