Monday 7 September 2015 by Lucas Wilde

London Transport literally taking the piss now


London Victoria toilets

Several London stations are actively making big money from the bodily functions of commuters.

Victoria, Euston, Kings Cross and Paddington all took the piss from their customers via a toilet and charged them 20p a go, amounting to revenues in the millions of pounds.

“It’s nice of them to throw pretence to the wind” admitted commuter, Tommy Lester, “usually they come up with justifications such as station refurbishments, train upgrades or staff that smile.”

“But this time they’ve actually admitted they’re simply taking the piss and making a lot of money from it.”

“It’s hugely refreshing, much like the piss itself.”

Toilet Chairman, Martin Crowth, declared “it’s been a great year for taking the piss.”

“We’ve made millions by putting a price on the basic human right to urinate in facilities fit for purpose, and everyone around me has agreed that this makes us brilliant human beings.”

“People used to have a desire to spend a penny, and now we’re forcing them to spend twenty of them for the privilege of urinating.”

“This is why capitalism is absolutely fantastic.”

It’s not all been good news, however; the number of people caught urinating up the side of the tube trains has gone up 450%.

“I don’t know if that’s a form of protest or just increased use of the Northern Line at night,” sighed Crowth.

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