Monday 7 September 2015 by Gary Stanton

Jeremy Corbyn and Rihanna officially ‘an item’


Jeremy Corbyn and Rihanna

Lovestruck Labour leader-in-waiting, Jeremy Corbyn, is six months into a heady relationship with the award-winning singer Rihanna, it has emerged.

The couple have been seen together at the Grammy awards and more recently at the Tower Hamlets Socialist Housing Collective’s annual dinner.

Speculation about their relationship began last spring after Corbyn admitted that watching Rihanna’s raunchy pop videos gave him prolonged hyperinflation.

And friends say Corbyn’s new smartened-up look has little to do with the leadership battle and everything to do with the R&B singer’s fashion tips.

Long-time Corbyn ally, Clare Short said, “Ri and Jez have just spent the weekend in Barbados, where Jez met her parents for the first time. He wouldn’t do that if he wasn’t boning her.”

Rihanna, meanwhile, admits to being swept along by the tide of Corbynmania, insisting that Liz Kendall lacks the vision to steer the Labour Party to victory in 2020.

“Bitch gotta know the full macroeconomic picture, like when my boy says Quantitative Easing to fund large scale infrastructure projects is the way to go, hoes gotta sit up and listen,” she told us.

However, the singer has ruled out moving into Corbyn’s Islington semi after reading about his plans for a 95% super-tax on incomes over 200K.

Corbyn said, “I’ve long been a fan of the R&B genre, which empowers black females to writhe around in swimming pools while men swipe credit cards between their ample buttocks.”

“It’s a searing comment on the decadence of capitalism.”

Corbyn added, “Occasionally, she likes to do this pretend-lez thing with Jessie J and I’m totally cool with that.”

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