Friday 4 September 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Facebook petition sorts everything out


Facebook petition makes everything better

Everything has been sorted out, all thanks to a Facebook petition.

The petition, entitled ‘sign this petition to sort everything out,’ was set up by cat tamer and unthinking dweeb, Simon Williams.

“I just wanted to do something to help,” he said while lying on his sofa playing Call of Duty Black Ops II.

“My first thought was to donate some money to something, or do some volunteering – you know, in one of those shops.”

“But then I realised that if I really wanted to make a difference then I needed to do a petition, a petition to sort everything out.”

Mr Williams has been hailed for his efforts.

“I don’t think hero is a big enough word for Simon,” said his Mum, yesterday.

“He should probably get a medal or something.”

But Mr Williams refused to take all the credit.

“No, it wasn’t just me,” he said whilst massacring computer generated men.

“It’s all the people who clicked on the petition too. Without them, everything might not be sorted out.”

And Mr Williams had no intention of resting on his laurels either.

“Yeah, I’ll probably do another petition to make everything better,” he confirmed.

“I’ll call it ‘sign this to make everything better.'”

“That should make everything better.”

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