Thursday 3 September 2015

Yeah, I don’t think this is for me, insists child after first day of school

First day at schools

4-year-old Jake Williams will today tell his parents he tried school, didn’t like it, and will ask what else he can do instead.

Jake will explain to his mother, that much like a portion of brussels sprouts, he has done what was asked of him by ‘trying it’, but has ultimately decided that spending every day in a room full of other children isn’t for him.

As the 4-year-old explained, “Look, a room full of young children is essentially hell on earth, so I’m looking for alternatives – so what have you got?”

“You can’t say I didn’t try it. I got dressed up in those ridiculous shorts and funny hat, I let you take all those stupid photos and even sat there for a whole day while a strange child with unblinking eyes ate whatever he could pluck out of his nose.”

“But no more.”

Options are said to be slim for 4 year-olds, but Williams is firm in his insistence that his days will not be spent at ‘school’.

“I’m thinking I might try accountancy, I’ve always been good with counting bricks.”

“If that doesn’t work out there’s always labouring.”

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