Friday 28 August 2015

Teen with noisy moped seemingly oblivious to being universally despised


Teenager noisy moped

Local teen and moped owner Simon Williams remains seemingly oblivious to the utter contempt with which he is held by his neighbours, according to sources this morning.

18 year-old Williams is the proud owner of a 50cc moped, which for some unknown reason must be constantly run at the rev limit.

One of his neighbours spoke of a life lived next door to a moped owner.

They told us, “He is the worst person on the planet, bar none. And I include child molesters in that.

“I don’t know what summer job he has, but when he leaves at 7am it takes an hour for my ears to stop ringing from the 500-decibel high-pitched whine he leaves in his wake.

“His moped is either switched off, or running at 12,000 revs – there is nothing in between apart from the nano-second when he goes from one to the other.

“I reckon if he could squeeze another thousand revs out of the engine, it would only be heard by dogs.”

We asked Williams how his neighbours felt about his moped, and he told us, “Yeah, I think they love it, especially since I removed the rev limiter, and now it goes up to 42 miles an hour. Cool eh?

“Mrs Simpson at number 26 always waves at me each morning from her window, no matter how early I leave.

“She must have really bad arthritis, though, as her wave looks a bit like a shaking fist.

“Shame, really.”

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