Tuesday 25 August 2015 by Gary Stanton

Britain begins panic-buying Chinese takeaways


Chinese Takeaway

British citizens have begun stockpiling delicious Chinese takeaways amid fears of collapse of the Chinese market.

As the Chinese stock market continued to plunge, takeaways across Britain were inundated with calls from anxious UK investors to buy lots of prawn crackers.

And with the world economy teetering on the brink of the abyss, healthy British eaters fear the latest crash could spell the end of the All You Can Eat For a Fiver buffet.

Oriental food fan Simon Williams said, “Shares in Crispy Duck have fallen to an all-time low after a generally buoyant year. Hoi Sin sauce is expected to follow.”

“With Chinese businesses going bust at an alarming rate, it is surely only a matter of time before I have to get off my fat arse and learn to cook.”

Fighting over dwindling supplies was reported at a number of takeaways across the UK and the Golden Wheel in Argyle Street, Birkenhead, ceased trading after it ran out of spring rolls.

Williams added, “The Shanghai Composite was down 4% at midday on Tuesday after falling 8% on Monday – I don’t know what that is, but it sounds great with black bean sauce.”

Chinese Stock Market Analyst, John Goodier, added, “I fear that we’re moving into unchartered territory and there is a collective need to shore up the Chinese economy, which relies heavily on exports.”

“I’ve done my bit by ordering King Prawn in Ginger and Spring Onion with Egg Fried Rice and a starter of Spicy Chicken Wings.”

“They said it would be ready in twenty minutes, but it has been more like half an hour.”

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